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各位高手,我是新手,帮我看看这封开发信那些地方需要修改啊?

Dear Mr/Ms: Hi,there is Ms Lee from Luoyang Kaixuan Bearing Manufacturing Co,.Ltd  in China .we have thirty years bearing  exprience. we are specializing in the production of diameters 500mm-15000mm different slewing ring structure.mainly production as below: four points contact ball bearings double rows angular contact ball bearings crossed cylindrical roller bearings three rows cylindrical roller bearings wind bearings deep groove bearings If you have a interest ,please go to our web site or call me ,let us talk details. hope establish business relationship with you. Looking forward to your reply Good wishes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ms Diana.Lee Luoyang Kaixuan Bearing Manufacturing Co,.Ltd Technology Industry Park,Jianxi District,Luoyang City,Henan Province,471003  P.R China. Email:lykxbearing@hotmail.com Web site:www.kxbearing.com Telephone:86-15838530649 86-0379-64386906 这开发信地方有那些需要修改的啊?发了有四五百封,感觉没有效果?是不是我写的特别不清楚?还是特别杂啊?我是新手,有那位好心人帮我改改,不胜感激!
你这信也太长了吧,不用写这么多吧。。。我晕,你只要用简洁的句子,开发信的主题表达清楚就可以了。一般第一封开发信,会写一些对公司的介绍,尤其是公司的优势。
怎么改啊,帮我改改啊,谢谢了啊
Dear ***, This is ***.We are the supplier of *** in ***. If you have interest in this kind of product,please contact me. Best Rgds, *** 个人拙见
确实比我的简装多了,感激不尽

Dear Mr/Ms: Hi,there is Ms Lee from Luoyang Kaixuan Bearing Manufacturing Co,.Ltd  in China .we have thirty years bearing  exprience. we are specializing in the production of diameters 500mm-15000mm different slewing ring structure.mainly production as below: four points contact ball bearings double rows angular contact ball bearings crossed cylindrical roller bearings three rows cylindrical roller bearings wind bearings deep groove bearings If you have a interest ,please go to our web site or call me ,let us talk details. hope establish business relationship with you. Looking forward to your reply Good wishes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ms Diana.Lee Luoyang Kaixuan Bearing Manufacturing Co,.Ltd Technology Industry Park,Jianxi District,Luoyang City,Henan Province,471003  P.R China. Email:lykxbearing@hotmail.com Web site:www.kxbearing.com Telephone:86-15838530649 86-0379-64386906 这开发信地方有那些需要修改的啊?发了有四五百封,感觉没有效果?是不是我写的特别不清楚?还是特别杂啊?我是新手,有那位好心人帮我改改,不胜感激!
你这信也太长了吧,不用写这么多吧。。。我晕,你只要用简洁的句子,开发信的主题表达清楚就可以了。一般第一封开发信,会写一些对公司的介绍,尤其是公司的优势。
怎么改啊,帮我改改啊,谢谢了啊
Dear ***, This is ***.We are the supplier of *** in ***. If you have interest in this kind of product,please contact me. Best Rgds, *** 个人拙见
确实比我的简装多了,感激不尽

英语区今天第一帖
供应马口铁罐
[其它]进出口公司在进口清关方面哪些可以自己完成
这种情况我要怎么跟呢
新人来报道